for teens, by teens

Canvas Teen Literary Journal is published quarterly in print, ebook, web, video, and audio formats.

My Heart is Fucked and My Health Sucks

Amanda Ngo

It takes me nine shots of whiskey
to kiss a boy and I’d only do it
if he told me his name was Jack—
it’s not a confidence thing,
I just prefer Jacquelines.

Mom doesn’t like talking
about her drunk daughter
and Dad wishes she was
a son because he doesn’t
believe in beating a girl,
but if I had been somebody
different, perhaps I wouldn’t
need alcoholic assistance
to hide who I really was.

I only know how to think in slurs,
but that makes it easier to
forget all of the cute girls—
if I keep drinking, 
maybe she will go away—
it’s fucked how drinking
is how I set myself “straight.”

Amanda Ngo is a sixteen-year-old girl who attends North Quincy High School in Massachusetts. She has won citywide essay awards in her hometown. She posts most of her poetry on, and her dream is to find her words tucked in a stranger's pocket one day.

© Canvas Literary Journal 2016
Writers & Books
Rochester, NY